Commentary:
Balancing my macros: 50% exercise, 50% tacos 🌮🏋️♀️😋
368 Funny say quotes
Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.
Commentary:
Sounds like the Tired Olympics are in full swing at your house! 🏆😴😂
My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”
Commentary:
Looks like Linda is my new imaginary marriage counselor! 😂💍🤷♂️
They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.
Commentary:
I can't wait for the bark-mitzvah next! 🎉🐶💥
If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”
Commentary:
Demon: "I've made a grave mistake." Me: "Welcome to the chaos, buddy!" 😈🤷♀️
Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.
Commentary:
After all these years, looks like the chat app finally got a breather! 😂🤐📢
People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.
Commentary:
When "never" turns into their new favorite hobby! 😂🤦♂️✨
A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.
Commentary:
When she says her favorite hobby is collecting red flags 🚩🚩, you know it’s time to make a U-turn 😂💨
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.
Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻
I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.
Commentary:
Ah yes, my thesis on napping techniques during lectures really changed the world! 😂🎓📚