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81 Funny self quotes

Trending Funny Self Quotes 🔥

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.
My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.
Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.
Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

More funny self quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Commentary:
Oh, the struggle is real! 🤦‍♂️ It's like witnessing a slow-motion train wreck… in the digital age! 🚂💥 Who knew watching someone Google could be such a rollercoaster of emotions?! 🎢😅 #GoogleSearchDrama
5 months ago
Share →: Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Before critiquing that questionable IKEA furniture, make sure to first visit their house and assess the situation… You might just find a gem hidden behind those assembly nightmares! 💎🪑😂"
5 months ago
Share →: With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'ski lift exit' a little too literally! 🎿💥 Who needs training when you've got an epic entrance like that? Talk about making an impression! 😂 #SkiLiftFail"
5 months ago
Share →: I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Commentary:
"Looks like the boss (aka YOU) is not feeling so generous with the budget lately 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time for a performance review with some self-reflection? 😅💼 #DIYBoss"
5 months ago
Share →: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic love-hate relationship with oneself! Who knew being your own worst enemy could also make you your best friend? 🤔🤷‍♂️ Remember, always keep your friends close and your enemies… well, apparently even closer because they might just be you! 😄👯‍♂️"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma: should you make your own sandwich or have someone else do it for you? 🥪 Turns out, the same applies to other areas of life too! 😏 Just remember to use fresh ingredients in both cases 😉🔥"
5 months ago
Share →: I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Commentary:
🦝 "Looks like someone's been spending a bit too much time in the trash… or maybe just on the internet! It's all fun and games until you start getting the sudden urge to hoard shiny objects, right? Stay paw-sitive, my friend! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of procrastination disguised as strategic delegation 🙌. Talk about a masterful dodge of responsibility! Future you better watch out, present you is throwing all the tasks their way with a sly smile 😏. Bravo on passing the hot potato, future self! 🥔⏰ #ProcrastinationQueen"
5 months ago
Share →: True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Commentary:
"Ah, the pinnacle of luxury is not having an alarm clock harshly interrupt your dreams! 💤 Who needs a 5-star hotel when you have the blissful autonomy to wake up naturally? 😎 Bonus points if you can snooze until noon! 🕛 #SleepGoals"