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98 Funny single quotes

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Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.
Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.
Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.
There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.
I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

More funny single quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a Valentine when you make Groundhog's Day look like a breeze! 😄 Stay single, stay fabulous! 💁‍♀️🦔"
5 months ago
Share →: I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic troubleshooting method of our generation! 📺🔨 Who needs technical expertise when you've got the magic touch of a well-timed whack? 😂💥 It was a simpler time when TVs were sturdy enough to withstand our DIY repair skills! #ThrowbackTechRepair
5 months ago
Share →: There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Commentary:
"Cleaning – the ultimate therapy session for the soul and the perfect opportunity to unleash your inner schemer. 🧼✨💭 Prepare to scrub away the mess both in your home and in your mind… while plotting your diabolical yet tidy revenge! 😈🧹 #CleaningTherapy #RevengeIsADishBestServedClean"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'll need to start a 'Low Standards Anonymous' support group 😂🙄 #SingleAndNotSettling"
5 months ago
Share →: To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Commentary:
"Why are you still single?" they ask, unaware that singles are actually part of an exclusive secret society 🤫🤐 Their success lies in the mysterious oaths they've taken and the secret love potion they keep hidden in their mismatched socks drawer! 🧦💕 #SingleAndSecretive #SquadGoals
5 months ago
Share →: My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Commentary:
"Well, sounds like someone forgot to download the 'listening' software update 😅🤖💬 #MarriageMishaps"
5 months ago
Share →: Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous perks of being single – the freedom to have midnight pizza parties in the kitchen while embracing your true chef attire! 🍕🌙 Who needs fancy dinners when you have cold pizza and the joy of uninterrupted nudity at home? Single life: where every night is a pizza party for one! 🎉🕺"
5 months ago
Share →: I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Commentary:
"Let's be real, those animals always steal the show! 🦁🐊 Who knew nature's fierce side could be so entertaining? #TeamAnimal"
5 months ago
Share →: I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Commentary:
"Who knew toast could be so full of surprises! 😱🍞 Maybe the real pop-up surprise show is happening right in your kitchen! Keep those reflexes sharp and your witty comebacks even sharper! 😄🔥"
5 months ago
Share →: If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Commentary:
"Who needs romance when you have a fridge full of delicious food? 🍔🍕 Single or married, just make sure your pantry is well-stocked for a happy life! 😉🥗 #FoodOverLove"