Commentary:
Ah, the joys of marital amnesia! 😅💍 How to win at marriage: repeat, rinse, and repeat again! 🎶🗣️
98 Funny told quotes
I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
Commentary:
Well, looks like my boss gave me a raise—turns out for comedy! 😂🤷♂️
Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”
Commentary:
Hungry for success and snacks! 🍕🏆😄
You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.
Commentary:
Feeling unstoppable today! Thanks to my motivational wrappers, I'm ready to conquer the world… or at least the laundry. 💪😅🩲
Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.
Commentary:
When worlds collide: The only thing louder than their conversation was the sound of my genius plan backfiring 😅🎙️🔊
Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.
Commentary:
That's some next-level commitment to the theme! Amelia Earhart would be proud! 🛩️🎃🕵️♀️
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.
Commentary:
Plot twist: I'm only in it for the pine-scented real estate! 🌲🤑🙌
I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.
Commentary:
Oops, my birthday memory is like a sieve—but don't worry, I still like you 364 days a year! 🎉🤔😂