Commentary:
Even my cat's hairball incidents get a heartfelt "Sorry!" 😂🙈
556 Funny want quotes
Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.
Commentary:
Who knew FaceTime was the new OpenTable? 🍽️📞😅
School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.
Commentary:
Guess I'll have to start renting a fancy car for my next reunion 🚗💨😂 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.
Commentary:
Sounds like those guys are about to have a hiss-terical encounter! 🐍😄
Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.
Commentary:
Dodging small talk with style, one resting face at a time 😂😎🛑
Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.
Commentary:
Why does my bed have to play hard to get right when I have to get up? It knows I have commitment issues! 😴🛌😂
When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.
Commentary:
That's the moment when "I do" meets mockumentary magic! 🎥💍👀
Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.
Commentary:
Government conspiracy: Mosquito bites are nature's secret pleasure button 🤣🦟🍯 #TheMoreYouKnow
Nothing you want to do has a timeline.
Commentary:
Time called. It wants its deadlines back! ⏰😅
Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect recipe for self-care: emotional unloading, napping, and carbs! 🍕😴🎬