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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

782 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,944

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,944

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Making waves on Discord:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Live now on Telegram:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Reported on Snapchat:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Spotted on Slack:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Making waves on Pinterest:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Making waves on TikTok:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Shared recently on Threads:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Live now on TikTok:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept… like waking up early on Mondays or turning vegetables into chocolate 🍫✨ Now that's a superpower worth wishing for!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

782 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,944

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,944

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Shared recently on Discord:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Just shared via Twitch:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Making waves on WeChat:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Just shared via Threads:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Spotted on TikTok:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

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