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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Spotted on TikTok:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Trending via Telegram:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Trending via WeChat:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Shared recently on Threads:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Just landed via Instagram:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally, a streaming service that isn't playing 'hide-and-seek' with our wallets and taste! 🍿🤣📉

actually, entertainment, hear, humor, increase, keep, me, movie, price, price increase, prices, service, streaming, streaming service, subscription, want, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

0

1 month ago

bowl, cereal, cream, difficult, difficult scenario, example, food, give, humor, i, ice, ice cream, improvisation, interview, interviewer, me, milk, problem, problem-solving, scenario, solving, used
Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, apps, communication, contact, dating, frustration, hours, humor, i, ID, nothing, relationship, someone, support, talk, tech, thanks, wanted
Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

0

2 months ago

confidence, else, enough, humble, i, individuality, know, me, nobody, replace, self-awareness, unique, wise
Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

0

2 months ago

call, everything, excuse, humor, i, missed, missed call, phone, procrastination, ring, ringing, ringing phone, sorry
Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

0

2 months ago

affection, executive, executive order, forehead, forehead kiss, give, humor, kiss, lighthearted, little, me, order, playful, relationship, signed
I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

0

2 months ago

chore, cleaning, confusion, dish, dishes, dishwasher, dishwasher tablet, doing, feel, five, humor, i, idea, joke, misunderstanding, still, tablet, taken, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Just shared via Discord:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Spotted on Slack:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Trending via WeChat:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Trending via Snapchat:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Just landed via Discord:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Trending via Messenger:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Spotted on Snapchat:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨