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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

Hit my coworker with โ€œyouโ€™re a lucky manโ€ after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Men be like, โ€œOk, you wanna know the truth,โ€ and lie even harder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

I like it when youโ€™re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has viewed:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,764

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Slack:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Shared recently on Discord:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Going bananas on Discord:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Iโ€™m sorry I didnโ€™t text you back. Iโ€™m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The females who donโ€™t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Spotted on X:

โ€œYou never reply to messages.โ€ I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Shared recently on X:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Iโ€™m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. Iโ€™m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Playful quote about prioritizing squirrels over traffic, with a humorous and witty vibe.
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Commentary:
Just trying to keep my nutty squirrel fan club alive! ๐Ÿฟ๏ธ๐Ÿš—๐Ÿ’จ

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars โญ

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. Itโ€™s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

40 shares on X this month:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didnโ€™t let me merge onto the highway?

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

14 shares on Slack this month:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I bought a bag of M&Mโ€™s and they donโ€™t have Mโ€™s anymore. They all have Wโ€™s, for woke.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Someone asked, โ€œCan I bum a scroll?โ€ because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and Itโ€™s Monday Tomorrow.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I used to be cool and now I say things like โ€œItโ€™s so loud in here, I canโ€™t hear myself thinkโ€.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

If insomnia were a sport, Iโ€™d have endorsement deals.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

I donโ€™t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while theyโ€™re trying to watch TV.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Instagram:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until Iโ€™m dead.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Hi, Iโ€™m making some changes in my life. If you donโ€™t hear from me, you are one of them.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, โ€œDonโ€™t text and drive.โ€

Making waves on Instagram:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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