Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Just shared via TikTok:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Spotted on Reddit:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Breaking via YouTube:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Trending via TikTok:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just trying to keep my nutty squirrel fan club alive! 🐿️🚗💨

animal, brake, driving, except, humor, i, squirrel, squirrels

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

0

2 months ago

book, buy, ex, history, humor, just, nostalgia, past, relationship, sex, stupid, want
I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

0

3 months ago

back, beautiful, flirting, follow, follow back, i, interaction, line, match, me, media, online, online interaction, pickup, pickup line, social, social media, Tinder
My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

0

2 months ago

act, afraid, childhood, creatures, ever, family, humor, kids, monsters, parenting, terrifying
Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

0

2 months ago

anything, boundary, food, good, humor, i, love, lyrics, means, meatloaf, music, music reference, reference, relationship, safe, safe word, word
When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

0

2 months ago

comfort, couch, dr., Dr. Seuss, humor, place, relaxation, seuss
What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

0

5 months ago

able, around, before, being, eyeglass, eyesight, half, history, humor, just, observation, people, question, vision, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

78 shares on Slack this month:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Shared recently on Facebook:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Shared recently on Slack:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Spotted on Threads:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Going bananas on Threads:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨