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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Just shared via Messenger:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Just shared via YouTube:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Breaking via Reddit:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Just shared via Twitch:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Making waves on Slack:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

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I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.
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Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons 🍋, sometimes all you can do is make a dramatic exit like Caesar! 🚶‍♂️💨 #DisappointedButDramatic"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Slack this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Talents: eating!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Spotted on Reddit:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Just landed via Instagram:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I need a massage for my brain.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Just landed via WeChat:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Trending via LinkedIn:

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