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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,850

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Just landed via Twitch:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Broadcasted on Threads:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Spotted on Facebook:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons 🍋, sometimes all you can do is make a dramatic exit like Caesar! 🚶‍♂️💨 #DisappointedButDramatic"

came, disappointed, disappointment, expectation, humor, i, leaving, left, observation, reaction, saw, visit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

1 month ago
forgetfulness, humor, loss, memory, password, passwords, protection, security, short, technology, term
Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

1 month ago
around, cleanup, distraction, found, humor, organizing, playing, procrastination, sitting, somewhere, things, tidying
According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

1 month ago
ex, exactly, humor, question, relationship, self-reflection, wrong
Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

1 month ago
breakfast, cream, debate, egg, food, food debate, humor, ice, ice cream, logic
You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

2 weeks ago
ago, ancient, exaggeration, humor, love, me, promise, relationship, time
Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

5 months ago
dislike, employment, frustration, humor, hunting, job, job hunting, knowing, want, work, worst

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Making waves on Threads:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Making waves on Slack:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Making waves on Instagram:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Spotted on X:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Just landed via Discord:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

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Activity Log ✨

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Sane is boring.

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Dance like China isn’t watching.

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

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I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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