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Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

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People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

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Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

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Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

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Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

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Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

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Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

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The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

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Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

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The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.