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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Just shared via Messenger:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Spotted on Reddit:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Live now on Reddit:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Just shared via Slack:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Still riding the fine line between 'aged like fine wine' and 'aged like an interesting cheese.' 🍷🧀😄"

aging, anything, average, confidence, consider, humor, i, myself, self-awareness, self-deprecating, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

1 month ago

acting, animal, animal prank, big, closet, clothes, clothing, costume, crawl, humor, impersonation, insect, last, me, night, prank, saw, spider, trying, wardrobe
No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

2 months ago

age, empty, household, humor, kitchen, matter, observation, old, roll, telescope
Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

2 months ago

balance, doing, health, hour, hours, humor, irony, mental, mental health, self-care, self-destruction, self-improvement, wellness
Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

1 month ago

best, best friend, cheese, comparison, diamonds, food, friend, friendship, girl, girls, humor, love, never, shredded, shredded cheese, snack
Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

2 months ago

am, communication, directions, frustration, humor, i, me, people, predictive, predictive text, recipe, send, technology, text, Thanksgiving, tired
Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

1 month ago

feeling, humor, life, motivation, optimism, perspective, self-esteem, sperm, winning

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Trending via Reddit:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Just landed via Instagram:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

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I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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