Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Going viral on Reddit:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Going viral on Threads:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Just shared via Discord:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Breaking via Slack:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living life on the edge, one job application at a time! 😅💼 #ProfessionalExaggerator

application, employment, exaggerated, exaggeration, humor, i, job, job application, living, motivation, said, wanted, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

0

2 months ago

boss, cannonball, conclusions, confidence, diving, exaggeration, humor, i, jump
My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

0

2 months ago

advice, Alexa, bathe, family, humor, just, nephew, okay, questions, technology, toaster, told
My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

0

2 months ago

bagel, Christian, Dior, diversity, humor, identity, Jewish, mayor, Muslim, religion
Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

0

2 months ago

abduction, alien, alien abduction, board, bring, due, extraterrestrial, fee, free, humans, humor, inflation, joke, longer, own, probes, purchase, required, sci-fi, sci-fi joke, space, space humor
I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, job, jobs, politics, president, promise, satire, want, work
I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

0

2 months ago

baby, fear, humor, i, irony, know, parents, relationship, terrified, us, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Discord this month:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

40 shares on X this month:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Just landed via Discord:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Making waves on Telegram:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Just shared via Messenger:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Trending via Facebook:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨