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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,234

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Trending via Slack:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Just landed via Threads:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Just landed via WeChat:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Academic love affairs have zero calories, but hobbies come with all the sass and none of the mess! 🛠️🎨🤣

academic, academic validation, advice, getting, hobby, humor, i, life, life advice, love, recommend, recommendation, romantic, romantic love, validation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life is too short, and death is too long.

0

2 months ago

contemplation, death, existential, humor, irony, life, short, too
Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

0

3 weeks ago

beverage, chocolate, comfort, comfort food, craving, diagnosis, extra, food, got, hot, hot chocolate, humor, just, marshmallow
My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

0

2 months ago

asleep, exhaustion, humor, i, relatable, sleep, superpower, tired, wake, wake up
Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

0

2 months ago

different, humor, irony, late, late night, night, rest, sarcasm, sleep, sleeping, wakefulness
It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

0

3 days ago

bathroom, bathroom break, break, breaks, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, important, office, productivity, stay, take, water, work
I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, justice, keep, law, little, notebook, observation, track, tracking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on X this month:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

67 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

84 shares on Threads this month:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Just landed via YouTube:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Just landed via Twitch:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Going viral on Facebook:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Just landed via Facebook:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Live now on Slack:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Shared recently on Threads:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨