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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Trending via Slack:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Live now on Threads:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Just landed via YouTube:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Breaking via Facebook:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Just landed via Telegram:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Santa's got the naughty list and he's not afraid to use it! 🎅⚖️🙈

Christmas, humor, i, meeting, met, real, said, Santa, tonight, trouble, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, corn, corn maze, date, ever, found, fun, fun activity, humor, i, lost, maze, relationship, wonder
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

0

2 months ago

cooky, diet, diet pill, eat, eating, food, help, humor, i, loss, nervous, pill, push, push down, stick, struggle, throat, weight, weight loss
The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

0

2 months ago

dental, dental extraction, extraction, forgot, glitch, God, humor, idea, just, modern, modern technology, patch, pull, random, technology, teeth, tooth, wisdom, wisdom tooth
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

0

2 months ago

diet, eat, eating, food, humor, i, just, people, put, reading, recipe, slim, stay, want, weight
Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, follow, humor, i, Litterboxd, oh, pets, should
There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

0

2 months ago

eat, expression, food, humor, italian, language, leave, means, rhyme, saying, soup, take, take it or leave it, throw, window, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Facebook this month:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

50 shares on Slack this month:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

33 shares on Discord this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Making waves on Threads:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Trending via Facebook:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Just shared via TikTok:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Breaking via WhatsApp:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨