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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Live now on X:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Making waves on Reddit:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Going viral on WeChat:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Spotted on Messenger:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Making waves on TikTok:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Santa's got the naughty list and he's not afraid to use it! 🎅⚖️🙈

Christmas, humor, i, meeting, met, real, said, Santa, tonight, trouble, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

0

2 months ago

around, depression, feel, harmonica, hear, humor, me, music, self-expression, skills, working
Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

0

2 months ago

able, actors, black, black and white, danger, driving, film, film history, green, history, humor, light, movy, red, tell, traffic, traffic light, white
Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

0

2 months ago

anti-social, bed, day, everyone, humor, just, lie, naked, relaxation, self-care, self-indulgence, solitude
I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

0

2 months ago

bond, character, fat, film, humor, i, james, James Bond, parody, ready, stereotype, think, world
The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

0

2 months ago

age-related, age-related injury, aging, cause, humor, injury, men, old, old men, self-perception, still, thinking, young, youth
I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

0

2 months ago

anthem, award, award ceremony, ceremony, country, country music, humor, i, listen, music, music preference, national, national anthem, preference

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Seen just now on Slack:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Making waves on X:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Breaking via Reddit:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Trending via Facebook:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Trending via TikTok:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Just landed via Messenger:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Going viral on Messenger:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨