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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

We decided to have money instead of children.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Making waves on TikTok:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Seen just now on Slack:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Trending via Slack:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Just shared via YouTube:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Spotted on Slack:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Just shared via Threads:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Breaking via YouTube:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about boomers' texting habits, playful and humorous in tone.

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Commentary:
Ellipses… they make life… feel like a… never-ending… suspense movie… 🎬😄

boomer, Boomers, ellipsis, everything, feels, gap, generation, generation gap, good, humor, i, style, text, texting, texting style, understand, why

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48 shares on X this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

67 shares on Threads this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

25 is the new 0 years old.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Cool times create cool guys.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Going viral on Twitch:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Just landed via Telegram:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Spotted on Facebook:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Seen just now on WeChat:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Live now on Facebook:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

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Activity Log ✨

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Keep the laugh going 😂

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨