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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Shared recently on Discord:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Just shared via Facebook:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Going viral on TikTok:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you're already living in a Kanye West reality show, a simple hack is just another scene in the script 📱🔓😂 #KeepingUpWithKanye"

celebrity, even, hacked, humor, identity, irony, Kanye, know, privacy, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

0

2 weeks ago

Christmas, Christmas story, everyone, favorite, favorite story, humor, hypocrisy, need, red-nosed, Red-Nosed Reindeer, reindeer, Rudolph, sarcasm, selfishness, shit, something, story, treatment, treats
Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

0

2 months ago

airport, airport timing, app, arrival, dating, dating app, humor, risk, risk tolerance, timing, tolerance, travel
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

0

2 months ago

am, feeling, frustration, humor, i, long weekend, machine, meant, refreshed, trapped, weekend, work
My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

0

2 months ago

book, booking, bored, boredom, buy, flight, i, impulse, impulse buy, looking, start, toxic, toxic trait, trait, travel
My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

0

2 months ago

arms, bed, exercise, humor, hurt, laziness, pain, reading, workout
“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

0

2 weeks ago

bed, bed size, beds, couple, couples, divorce, divorce rate, interested, king, king bed, marriage, queen, queen bed, rate, relationship, size, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Slack this month:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

92 shares on Threads this month:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Just shared via Discord:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Breaking via Telegram:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Going viral on WeChat:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Just shared via Slack:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Going bananas on Threads:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Trending via Threads:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨