If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

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It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

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Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

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Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

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After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

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Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

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That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

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If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

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The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

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If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

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A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.