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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Breaking via Telegram:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Making waves on Telegram:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Just landed via Telegram:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Trending via Facebook:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Spotted on Facebook:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Making waves on Discord:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about mental self-talk and zoning out, humorous and playful in tone.

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Commentary:
When the therapist in your head charges by the hour, so you schedule sessions during meetings 🤔🧠💸

having, head, health, humor, looking, me, mental, mental health, myself, self-reflection, self-talk, session, therapy, zoned, zoned out

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Discord this month:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

39 shares on X this month:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

92 shares on X this month:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Making waves on Facebook:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Just landed via Facebook:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Just shared via WeChat:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Just landed via TikTok:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Making waves on Twitch:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

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Activity Log ✨

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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