I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.