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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Just shared via YouTube:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Going viral on WeChat:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Just landed via Reddit:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

1 month ago

Playful quote about enjoying Nutella while imagining others disliking it.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't hear the haters over the sweet sound of Nutella bliss 🥄😂🍫

attitude, eating, hate, here, humor, imagine, indulgence, jar, just, me, Nutella, over, snack, spoon

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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27 shares on TikTok this month:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

73 shares on Discord this month:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I am single, please disturb me!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Just shared via Facebook:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Just shared via TikTok:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨