Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Seen just now on X:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Just landed via Discord:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Trending via Snapchat:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Just shared via X:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Just shared via Discord:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Just landed via WeChat:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Playful quote about losing track of time with a humorous twist.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, I didn't even know time zones went that high 🌐😴

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

59 shares on X this month:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

32 shares on Discord this month:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

44 shares on Messenger this month:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

56 shares on X this month:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Trending via Pinterest:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Breaking via WeChat:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

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