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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Going viral on Telegram:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Live now on Twitch:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Going viral on Threads:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Going viral on Facebook:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Live now on X:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Spotted on Reddit:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Shared recently on Discord:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Going viral on Instagram:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I accidentally put my queen in the refrigerator again ♟️🧀😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

90 shares on X this month:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

87 shares on Facebook this month:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Salt is just angry sugar.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

355 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,624

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,624

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Trending via Pinterest:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Spreading quickly via X:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Going viral on Instagram:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

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