Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,472

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Just landed via WeChat:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Going bananas on Telegram:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Going viral on Messenger:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Making waves on Instagram:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Live now on Slack:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Spotted on Discord:

My lips could use some attention today.

My life is a movie, and it has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a cult classic in the making! 🍿🎬😂

entertainment, film, film review, humor, life, movie, rating, review, rotten, Rotten Tomat, self-deprecation, tomat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

2 months ago

communication, humor, i, life, modern, modern life, relationship, reply, sarcasm, text, texting, timing
Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

2 months ago

afraid, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, fear, funny situation, guy, husband, kidnap, kidnapped, marketplace, me, online, online purchase, pick, pickup, purchase, sent, shell, situation, something, wife, wife fear
December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

2 months ago

December, ending, give, holiday, humor, me, new, new year, sweet, sweet ending, wish, year
To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

2 months ago

career, clear, growth, humor, i, level, levels, looking, meant, money, said, salary, stress, stress level, work, workload
Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

5 months ago

almost, annoyance, ask, boundary, care, hear, honesty, i, interaction, life, opinion, opinions, peeve, personal, personal life, pet, pet peeve, social, social interaction
My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

2 months ago

bar, dog, expectations, greet, home, humor, i, impossible, should, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Twitch this month:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

66 shares on YouTube this month:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Just shared via Discord:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Just shared via Twitch:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Making waves on Twitch:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Making waves on Instagram:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Spotted on Facebook:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Breaking via WeChat:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My life is a movie, and it has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨