Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Spotted on Telegram:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Seen just now on Discord:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Just shared via WeChat:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Spotted on X:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Shared recently on Discord:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Making waves on WeChat:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Here's my wallet crying… must be married! 💸😂🔔

expense, expensive, humor, marriage, miserable, misery, most, relationship, ways

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

0

2 months ago

call, confession, deserve, drama, dramatic, emotion, humor, i, love, me, rain, relationship, romantic, think
I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

0

2 months ago

aliens, annoyance, glasses, hate, humor, i, insect, invasion, mind, mind trick, outdoor, outside, second, think, trick, unexpected
Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

0

2 months ago

die, humor, irony, joke, life, man, marriage, money, old, old man, relationship, wealth
I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

0

2 months ago

advice, going, good, harder, humor, i, lawyer, need, smarter, work
Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

0

2 months ago

blink, blinking, counting, eye, funny question, humor, i, impatience, joke, ok, passing, question, time, time passing, times
A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

0

2 months ago

bag, bean, beans, burrito, food, food humor, food metaphor, funny food, humor, joke, just, metaphor, mexican, Mexican food, sleeping, snack

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Instagram this month:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Going bananas on X:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Trending via Twitch:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Trending via Pinterest:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Spotted on TikTok:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Shared recently on Discord:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Live now on WeChat:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨