Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach. Posted onMay 19, 2026
You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back? Posted onMay 19, 2026
Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff. Posted onMay 19, 2026
When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry. Posted onMay 19, 2026