Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.” Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine. Posted onMay 19, 2026
You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily. Posted onMay 19, 2026
It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach. Posted onMay 19, 2026
You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back? Posted onMay 19, 2026
Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff. Posted onMay 19, 2026
When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen. Posted onMay 19, 2026