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Adulting Level 100: Picking the VIP burner like it's a reality show 🌟🔥 #BurnerBonanza
Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?
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When you accidentally become a mime because your social anxiety is like, "Nah, we’re good." 🤐😂
Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.
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When making big plans means deciding which comfy pajamas to wear tonight 😂🛌🎉
I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.
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Testing patience: 80% annoyance, 20% charisma 😂💃🤷♂️
“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”
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Looks like my to-do list is in witness protection 😂📝🚫
Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.
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Clearly, Lois needs to schedule an eye exam. 🦸♂️👓💋
Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.
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Looks like it's time for a doughnut support group for neglected bagels 🍩🥯😅
You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?
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Sounds like a superhero movie where the hero forgot to show up! 😂👊🦸♂️
Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).
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Sounds like the ultimate party trick: drop the mic and disappear like Frodo after a sweet 111! 🥳🎤✌️✨
Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).
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Sounds like a cozy summer transformation! Who needs a tan when you can have a comforter tan? 🛌📚☕️#RotGirlSummer