Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word. Posted onMay 19, 2026
In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated. Posted onMay 19, 2026
They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood? Posted onMay 19, 2026
Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup? Posted onMay 19, 2026
Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too. Posted onMay 19, 2026