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Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

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Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

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Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

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“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,976

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Just shared via Facebook:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Sending thoughts and prayers for this brave soul navigating the dire waters of domestic chores 🌊🧽🥴

chore, dishwasher, excuse, humor, just, parenting, please, pray, prayer, son, tired, unloading, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

1 month ago
advice, ask, calm, fellas, humor, joke, lady, mad, put, relationship, weight
I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

4 months ago
am, bad, bad mood, beautiful, beautiful day, behavior, better, compulsive, compulsive behavior, day, depressed, depression, dwell, dwelling, humor, i, inside, irony, mood, sarcasm, sit, sitting, sitting inside
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

1 month ago
computer, humor, internet, marry, patience, person, real, relationship, slow, slow internet, test
I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

1 month ago
absurdity, always, humor, i, irony, knife, me, preparedness, run, someone, spoon
My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

5 months ago
back, chair, chairs, household, humor, husband, just, laziness, magic, marriage, push, relationship
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

1 month ago
brains, fall, fall out, humor, irony, open-minded, perspective, too, wit

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Making waves on Threads:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

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Activity Log ✨

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

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Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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