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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Making waves on Messenger:

Blink if you want me!

Spotted on Instagram:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Live now on Threads:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Spotted on Telegram:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Spotted on Slack:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Midnight therapy session with my favorite book and a rebellious lack of sleep 😴📚💤

asleep, better, book, even, everyone, middle, nice, night, peaceful, quiet, reading, relaxation, sleep, solitude, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

0

2 months ago

actor, cruise, fame, going, Hollywood, humor, joke, movy, retirement, run, tom, Tom Cruise
No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

0

2 months ago

aging, Botox, brow, dumb, dumb thing, expression, facial, facial expression, furrowed, furrowed brow, humor, i, need, people, sarcasm, say, skincare, thing, things, wit
There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

0

4 weeks ago

bathroom, bed, being, comfort, comfy, frustration, hate, i, inconvenience, night, nothing, pee, sleep
If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

0

2 months ago

days, God, humor, i, irony, relaxation, rested, work
“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

0

2 months ago

afford, conversation, finance, hobby, humor, i, joke, money, oh, poverty
I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

0

5 months ago

ambition, boy, humor, i, life, me, pray, prayer, relationship, top, win, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Making waves on Discord:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Trending via Reddit:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Shared recently on Slack:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Just landed via Discord:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨