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Commentary:
"No worries, my phone has a mind of its own! 📱😅 Next time, maybe I'll try the 'accidentally drop the phone in a pillow fort' technique for a more believable excuse. 💁‍♂️🏰"

call, communication, decline, humor, i, missed, missed call, sorry, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

0

2 months ago

always, behavior, bite, call, cell, cell phone, communication, funny observation, hold, humor, i, observation, people, phone, quirky, quirky behavior, sandwich, take, think, trying
Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

0

2 months ago

argument, avoid, communication, enough, face, function, humor, husband, i, marriage, mouth, relationship, shut, subtitle
One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

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2 months ago

getting, humor, i, just, mask, miss, nostalgia, pandemic, playfulness, relief, surgery, thing
“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

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2 months ago

communication, cue, humor, invitation, keep, let, me, polite, sarcasm, social, social cue, translation
I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

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2 months ago

alcoholic, drink, drinking, drinking habit, habit, humor, i, only, sunny, twice, weather, year
“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

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2 months ago

advice, back, bedtime, before, breaks, career, dating, ex, fix, going, humor, i, lesson, life, life lesson, recommend, relationship, sleep, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on X this month:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

48 shares on Slack this month:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

40 shares on X this month:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

14 shares on X this month:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Just landed via YouTube:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Just shared via Reddit:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Going viral on Messenger:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Making waves on Slack:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Seen just now on X:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Just shared via Snapchat:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Trending via Telegram:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨