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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Making waves on WeChat:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Making waves on Facebook:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Going bananas on Slack:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Breaking via WeChat:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Just shared via Messenger:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Shared recently on X:

I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Just shared via X:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

1 month ago

Clever, humorous quote about how endless info makes us feel less smart.

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Commentary:
And yet here I am, using the internet to look up how to boil water! 🤔💧😅

access, believe, hard, humor, infinite, information, intelligence, irony, paradox, still, technology, us

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

26 shares on Threads this month:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Trending via Threads:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Making waves on Facebook:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m running out of people I like.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Breaking via Facebook:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

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Activity Log ✨

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨