Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Live now on YouTube:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Seen just now on Twitch:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Just landed via Threads:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Live now on WeChat:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
And yet here I am, using the internet to look up how to boil water! 🤔💧😅

access, believe, hard, humor, infinite, information, intelligence, irony, paradox, still, technology, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

0

3 months ago

awkward, catch, crazy, crush, glimpse, hell, high, high school, i, just, love, memory, over, running, school, teenager, why
Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

0

2 months ago

apps, choice, convicted, convicted felon, dating, dating life, felon, guy, having, humor, life, old, old guy, perfect, relationships
I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

0

2 months ago

accept, act, clarity, communication, dumb, humor, humor quote, i, irony, me, sarcasm, say, stubborn, stubborn act, stubbornness, wit
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

0

2 months ago

appointment, awkward, awkward moment, bank, call, cancel, funny situation, humor, just, moment, say, situation, someone, sperm, sperm bank
I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

0

4 months ago

am, financial, financial struggle, fund, funds, humor, i, insufficiency, money, pun, struggle, too, wordplay
Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

0

2 months ago

creativity, daughter, funny name, humor, name, naming, parenting, piggleigh, Piggleigh Wiggleigh, wiggleigh

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I overthink, therefore I am.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

79 shares on Slack this month:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Going viral on Slack:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Trending via Slack:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Spotted on Threads:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Trending via Threads:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Shared recently on Discord:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨