Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Live now on TikTok:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Trending via Instagram:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Spotted on Reddit:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Spotted on WeChat:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Just landed via WeChat:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sex is fun, but nothing beats the thrill of slamming your laptop shut after conquering tab city 🎉📚💻

academic, academic paper, after, browsing, closed, ever, frustration, great, humor, internet, internet browsing, life, multitasking, paper, productivity, sex, student, student life, sure, tabs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

0

2 months ago

engagement, fire, humor, interaction, neighbor, only, reason
I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

0

2 months ago

around, bear, casual, eat, eating, friends, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, pantsless, pooh, Pooh Bear, relaxed, want
I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, confused, confusion, daily, daily life, easily, evening, humor, i, life, morning, tiredness
I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

0

3 months ago

3, after, afternoon, Friday, Fridays, humor, mood, niceness, nicer, personality, time
Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

company, every, finance, food, humor, invest, pasta, penne, pro, pro-tip, tip, worth
Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

0

2 months ago

bee, exercise, huge, humor, morning, nature, run

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Slack this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

23 shares on Discord this month:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution. It’s the year’s turn to be better.

Just shared via Reddit:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Live now on X:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Trending via Instagram:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Spotted on Twitch:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Trending via Instagram:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Live now on X:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Freshly posted on Slack:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨