Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Trending via Discord:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Trending via Pinterest:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Trending via Facebook:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sex is fun, but nothing beats the thrill of slamming your laptop shut after conquering tab city 🎉📚💻

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

0

3 weeks ago

boss, boss-in-law, humor, joke, relationship, wife, wordplay, workplace
I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioner, appreciation, award, conditioner, employee, give, humor, i, month, plaque, workplace
Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

0

2 months ago

ban, fitness, gym, humor, joke, me, sauna, saying, Scotty, steam, times, too, wordplay
Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

0

2 months ago

alone, better, humor, humorist, joke, left, me, sarcasm, self-deprecating, things, wit
A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

0

1 month ago

adult, always, being, chore, cleaning, daily, daily chore, day, gone, i, kitchen, matter, never, responsibility, takeout, thing
I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

0

2 months ago

always, except, feel, humor, i, insomnia, irony, laziness, sarcasm, sleep, sleepiness, sleepy, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on X this month:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I can resist everything except temptation.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

74 shares on Slack this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Spotted on Discord:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Going viral on Slack:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Just shared via X:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨