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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Seen just now on Twitch:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Trending via Snapchat:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Spotted on Reddit:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Making waves on Reddit:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Live now on Snapchat:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Going viral on Twitch:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about avoiding LinkedIn, playful and humorous career advice.

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Commentary:
"Career advice: Work hard now, so LinkedIn can work harder for you later! 🚀💼 #LinkedInEscapePlan"

advice, career, career advice, choices, closer, decision, every, having, humor, i, job, life, life choices, LinkedIn, motivation, moves, only, professional, professional life, work

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64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

43 shares on X this month:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Going viral on Reddit:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Making waves on TikTok:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Making waves on YouTube:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Going viral on Telegram:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Broadcasted on Threads:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Making waves on TikTok:

My lips could use some attention today.

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Activity Log ✨

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨