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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Making waves on WeChat:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Going bananas on Threads:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Trending via Threads:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Spotted on WeChat:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Instant six-pack abs by simply putting down the donut? Sign me up! 🍩➡️💪😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

0

3 days ago

2, days, family, family visit, growth, home, house, humor, life, parents, personal, personal growth, regression, visit
I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

0

2 months ago

awesome, coffee, confidence, evolution, humor, i, motivation, need, positivity, self-improvement, state
I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

0

2 months ago

crazy, fun, humor, just, mentally, personality, self-description, spicy
I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

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2 months ago

girl, humor, i, love, relationship, single, surprise, today, wake, wake up
No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

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2 months ago

ambition, bare, bare minimum, desire, even, exaggeration, humor, i, maybe, minimum, moon, planet, point, star, stars, want
I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

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2 months ago

am, everyday, fool, holiday, humor, i, laughter, need, self-deprecation, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Seen just now on YouTube:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Trending via WeChat:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Just landed via WeChat:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Spotted on TikTok:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Just landed via Telegram:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨