They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

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People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

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Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.