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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,059

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Spotted on Facebook:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Spotted on Discord:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Trending via TikTok:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Spotted on Telegram:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Instant six-pack abs by simply putting down the donut? Sign me up! 🍩➡️💪😂

change, huge, humor, improvement, instant, instant payoff, invent, lifestyle, lifestyle change, motivation, payoff, self, self-improvement, should, small, thinking, wishful, wishful thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

1 month ago
around, calory, count, diet, eating, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, lifestyle
Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

1 month ago
again, alive, catching, ever, glad, humor, i, just, kiss, life, morning, next, person, relationship, sleeping, train, wake, wake up
As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

1 month ago
40s, age, even, family, father, humor, husband, loud, new, New Year’s resolution, proud, resolution, sneeze, year, year’s
Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

4 months ago
72, 72 hours, ability, bat, bats, fasting, hours, humor, joke, superpower, whisper
People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

1 month ago
bravery, courage, day, hero, humor, nap, naps, people, real, sleep, take, twice, wake, wake up
If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

1 month ago
animals, comparison, humor, husband, jurassic, Jurassic Park, listen, need, night, park, sleep, snore, sound

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Trending via TikTok:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Trending via Snapchat:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

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Activity Log ✨

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Being awake is the worst.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

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They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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