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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,592

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Live now on Snapchat:

My love language is being sent money.

Freshly posted on Slack:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Making waves on Discord:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

Spotted on Threads:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Just shared via Facebook:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Going viral on Telegram:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Going bananas on Messenger:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Just landed via Facebook:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Absolutely! "Finally, my calendar gets the break it desperately needed! 🗓️🥳🚫"

cancel, humor, meeting, meetings, motivation, procrastination, productivity, sign, today, work, work meeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

0

2 months ago

chef, cook, cooking, culinary, drink, food, humor, kitchen, wine
The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

0

1 month ago

coffee, dangerous, drinking, game, i, most, play, seeing
Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, art, cartoon, celebrity, celebrity culture, celebs, culture, forget, humor, media, monkey, pandemic, pictures, sell, social, social media, trying
You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

0

4 days ago

amount, decision, humor, i, ID, irony, overthinking, right, self-reflection, think
Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

0

2 months ago

1, away, call, country, home, laptop, left, ms, MS Teams, remote, remote work, say, second, Teams, technology, video, video call, work, work from home
I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

0

1 month ago

anxiety, anxious, description, entertainment, humor, i, just, making, me, movie, Netflix, please, read, start, streaming, technology, watching, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

33 shares on X this month:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Spotted on Discord:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Shared recently on Slack:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Just landed via Telegram:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Trending via YouTube:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨