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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,468

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Spotted on Twitch:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Making waves on YouTube:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Just shared via Messenger:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Just landed via Twitch:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Spotted on Threads:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

30s, compliment, congrats, dating, decision making, humor, panic, person, pick, relationship, should, unmarried, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

0

2 months ago

couch, expression, health, humor, media, mental, mental health, online, online therapy, social, social media, therapist, therapy, Twitter
There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

0

5 months ago

away, closing, door, exit, humor, loud, noise, poetry, sound, subtlety, too, walking, walking away
I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, coping, hearing, humor, i, peeve, pet, pet peeve, relatable, situations, smack, someone, well
Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

0

2 months ago

anything, disappointment, do nothing, humor, i, men, nothing, promises, relationships
Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

1

2 months ago

actually, easier, endurance, exercise, fitness, humor, just, lot, masochism, motivation, pain, running
After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

0

2 months ago

after, coming, everyone, friend, friends, funeral, humor, i, phone, take, text, thanks, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Going viral on Facebook:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Going viral on Messenger:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Just landed via Discord:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨