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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Going viral on Instagram:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Spotted on Instagram:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Going viral on Threads:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Just landed via Threads:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That first impression could win an Oscar for Best Actor! 🎭🔥

dating, fake, fake version, fire, first meeting, humor, impression, man, meet, meeting, personality, relationship, version

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

0

4 months ago

best, describe, feeling, feels, humor, Monday, say, time, year
I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

0

2 months ago

candy, family, fight, floor, front, humor, husband, i, just, kids, parenting, pay, piece, throw, UFC, understand
My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, family, family joke, gene, genetics, humor, joke, pool, poor, poverty, sarcasm, too, whiskey
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

0

2 months ago

arguing, argument, being, being right, communication, explaining, explanation, humor, just, loud, louder, right, sarcasm, why
Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

0

2 months ago

big, compliment, cooking, family, flex, food, good, having, humor, mom
You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

0

2 months ago

car, creativity, expression, fun, humor, magnets, put, refrigerator, rules

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Slack this month:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Bok Choy is a dope name for a vegetable.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Spotted on WeChat:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Spotted on Discord:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Shared recently on Discord:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Just shared via Telegram:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Seen just now on Slack:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Just shared via TikTok:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨