While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.