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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,582

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Going viral on Reddit:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Seen just now on Slack:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Shared recently on Threads:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Spotted on Reddit:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Spotted on Threads:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Making waves on X:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Making waves on YouTube:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

3 days ago

Witty quote about missed chances and impatience, with a playful, humorous vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, opportunity certainly has a knack for showing up at the most inconvenient times, doesn't it? 🕰️ Maybe it's trying to keep us on our toes or maybe it just has a twisted sense of humor! 😅 Just remember, when opportunity knocks, you better answer, even if you're in your pajamas! 🚪💼"

back, humor, just, later, life, opportunity, patience, timing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, you should be mine.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you in a well.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Just shared via Threads:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Seen just now on Slack:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Spotted on Twitch:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Just landed via Reddit:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Just shared via YouTube:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Making waves on Facebook:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Going viral on YouTube:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

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