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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,686

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Going viral on Instagram:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Making waves on Threads:

This Monday could have been an email.

Freshly posted on X:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Going viral on Threads:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Trending via TikTok:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm not a bother, I'm a limited edition! 😜🔊

am, annoying, attitude, humor, i, just, permanence, personality, self-awareness, super, worry, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

0

2 months ago

i, invite, me, people, take, turn
You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

0

2 months ago

driving, humor, i, know, lines, lot, park, parking, parking lot, rules, shock
Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

0

2 months ago

activity, adult, appliances, being, buying, excited, fun, fun activity, getting, humor, maturity, new, shopping
Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

0

2 months ago

advice, cooking, humor, marriage, pancake, pancakes, relationship, sometimes, throw, throw out
Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

0

3 days ago

bother, even, guy, humor, interaction, joke, me, next, public, public transport, stranger, Subway, telling, ticklish, transport, trying
This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

0

2 months ago

carrying, collaboration, dead, dead weight, economy, expense, expensive, here, hustler, leech, teamwork, together, too, weight, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨