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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,687

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Just shared via Telegram:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Making waves on Threads:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Trending via Facebook:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Spotted on WeChat:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Going viral on Slack:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

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You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.
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Commentary:
So you're saying honesty is like the best memory hack ever? 🧠🔑😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Instagram this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

23 shares on YouTube this month:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

21 shares on X this month:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

99 shares on X this month:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,268

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Just shared via WeChat:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Breaking via TikTok:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Shared recently on Twitch:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Just shared via Twitch:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

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