Commentary:
"Who needs fun when you've got alcohol? It's like a liquid party in a bottle! 🍸🎉 Just remember to drink responsibly… or not, we won't judge!"
New funny quotes ✨

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.
Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy car alarm when you have the ultimate automatic radio DJ and valet service provided by the potholes in town? 🕺🚗🎶 Just sit back, relax, and let the roads take care of your car's entertainment and security needs! 😂 #PotholePerks"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.
- It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
- Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.
- Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.
- Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.
Commentary:
"Imagine getting into the most epic debate ever while brazenly wearing mismatched socks and slurping spaghetti 🍝! Talk about multitasking at its finest! 😂"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.
- My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.
- I would rather lose you than the argument.
- Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.
- If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.
Commentary:
"Ah, the real tragedy of forgetting about Dre – Grandpa missed out on bopping his head to the beats and dropping it like it's hot 🎧🕺 Who knew memory loss could be so dis-Dre-ssing! Keep the chronic memories alive, folks! 😂"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.
- Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.
- It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
- I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal 'work in progress' anthem – more like a masterpiece in procrastination! 🎨😂 At this rate, they'll have a full gallery of not-so-masterpieces in no time. Keep up the non-work, folks! 👩🎨💼"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.
- The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.
- Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?
- Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.
- The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.
Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't go out with you. My heart belongs to a virtual man who never interrupts me when I'm talking 😏💔🤖 #RelationshipGoals"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.
- I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
- I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?
- Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.
- Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.
Commentary:
"Relationships are like room temperatures – it's all about that perfect balance! 🌡️❤️ So remember, it's all fun and games until someone turns up the heat or cranks the AC! 😂 #ThermostaticallyCompatible"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.
- Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.
- If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.
- Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.
- Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!
Commentary:
Oh universe, maybe it's time to switch up the curriculum then! 🤓🌌 Lesson learned: When life keeps throwing shade, just throw some sunglasses on and wink back 😉 #StillLearningButStylish
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.
- If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.
- I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.
- I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.
- All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.
Commentary:
"Looks like Cupid missed the mark on this one! 😅💘 Who knew love could be so hazardous? Maybe next time Cupid should consider switching to a Nerf bow and arrow for safety reasons. 🏹 #ValentinesDayGoneWrong"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.
- You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?
- Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.
- RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.
- Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’
Commentary:
"Oh, you 'forget to eat', you say? 🍔🙄 Must be nice skipping meals while the rest of us are over here planning our next snack attack! 😂 #FoodiesUnite"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
- It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.
- Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
Commentary:
Oh, searching for a cell mate over a soulmate, huh? 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a bunk buddy, am I right? 🤷♂️ Just make sure to keep those prison phone calls to a minimum! 🤪 #CellMateGoals
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?
- This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.
- I think my soulmate might be carbs.
- My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.
- I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.