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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Spotted on Discord:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Going viral on YouTube:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Trending via Pinterest:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Trending via Reddit:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a soulmate audition is in order! Who passed the vibe check? 😂💔✨

betrayal, dating, humor, love, relationship, soulmate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

0

2 months ago

apology, church, congregation, funny situation, humor, i, missionary, misunderstanding, situation, volunteers
Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

0

2 months ago

box, cat, else, God, gratitude, humor, i, pet, shit, thank
All I think about is death and sex.

0

4 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, mind, obsession, sex, think, thought
Icarus loved hot wings.

0

2 months ago

food, hot, hot wing, humor, Icarus, joke, mythology, pun, wing, wings
Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

0

2 months ago

anything, data, data sale, data tracking, email, email spam, internet, internet security, know, middle, middle name, name, online, online signup, privacy, pro, pro-tip, put, sale, security, sign, signup, sold, spam, tip, tracking, website, website name, websites
I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

0

2 months ago

cartoons, confusion, even, fighting, honesty, humor, i, know, movy, Transformers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Slack this month:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

90 shares on Discord this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

28 shares on Discord this month:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Spotted on Slack:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Shared recently on Discord:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Shared recently on Discord:

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

Trending via Slack:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Trending via Slack:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

All I think about is death and sex.

Icarus loved hot wings.

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨