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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Just landed via TikTok:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Trending via Discord:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Going viral on Messenger:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Going bananas on Discord:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

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Commentary:
"Who knew worrying had such a high success rate? 🤔 Maybe I should worry more about winning the lottery! 💸😅 Watch out, universe, here comes my worry game strong! 🌟 #WorryChampion"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

50 shares on X this month:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

12 shares on Discord this month:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

45 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Shared recently on WeChat:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

(flirting) You’ll be the death of me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Just shared via Instagram:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Just landed via Slack:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Just landed via Telegram:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

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