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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Just shared via Reddit:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Making waves on TikTok:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Just shared via Snapchat:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Just shared via Discord:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Trending via Twitch:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Trending via Threads:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Braving the bedside minefield to brush feels more epic than Frodo's journey to Mordor! 🛏️👉🛁⚔️😂"

bathroom, bed, bed to bathroom, brushing, chore, daily, daily task, day, effort, feels, frustration, getting, harder, humor, just, night, nighttime, nighttime routine, pissed, routine, task, teeth, thinking, tooth, tooth brushing, walking, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

0

2 months ago

anger, beef, food, fridge, got, humor, hunger, hungry, joke, mad, me, none, why
Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

0

2 months ago

better, frustration, humor, idiot, idiots, irony, job, keep, making, proof, things, workplace
I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, bedtime, forward, hours, humor, insomnia, irony, looking, rest, sleep, thinking, tonight
Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

0

2 months ago

7am, awareness, humor, i, kids, parenting, Saturday
When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

0

2 months ago

authority, charge, conversation, demand, humor, joke, meet, meeting, sibling, speak, twins
If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, joke, legal, LOLsuit, pun, someone, steal

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Threads this month:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

40 shares on Slack this month:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

90 shares on Slack this month:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Just shared via Reddit:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Making waves on Discord:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Breaking via Reddit:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Live now on Reddit:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨