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Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Spotted on WeChat:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Freshly posted on X:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Going bananas on Facebook:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Making waves on Slack:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Just landed via Discord:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Broadcasted on Threads:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Going bananas on Instagram:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Live now on YouTube:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

3 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about the frustration of nighttime teeth brushing and bedtime routines.

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Commentary:
"Braving the bedside minefield to brush feels more epic than Frodo's journey to Mordor! 🛏️👉🛁⚔️😂"

bathroom, bed, bed to bathroom, brushing, chore, daily, daily task, day, effort, feels, frustration, getting, harder, humor, just, night, nighttime, nighttime routine, pissed, routine, task, teeth, thinking, tooth, tooth brushing, walking, working

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

27 shares on X this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

45 shares on Discord this month:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Just shared via X:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Seen just now on Slack:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Making waves on X:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Live now on Instagram:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

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Activity Log ✨

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

There are too many neglected emojis.

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There are too many neglected emojis.

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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