Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

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Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

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Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

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I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

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In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

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I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

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When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

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Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.