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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

759 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,921

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,921

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Spotted on Slack:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Making waves on YouTube:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Trending via Slack:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Going viral on Telegram:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Trending via Instagram:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Braving the bedside minefield to brush feels more epic than Frodo's journey to Mordor! 🛏️👉🛁⚔️😂"

bathroom, bed, bed to bathroom, brushing, chore, daily, daily task, day, effort, feels, frustration, getting, harder, humor, just, night, nighttime, nighttime routine, pissed, routine, task, teeth, thinking, tooth, tooth brushing, walking, working

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Making waves on YouTube:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Going viral on WeChat:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Trending via Slack:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Reported on Snapchat:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Trending via Messenger:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

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Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

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Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

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