Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

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Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

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Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

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It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

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Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

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Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

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To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

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Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

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“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

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“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

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How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?