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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Freshly posted on X:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Live now on YouTube:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Trending via Messenger:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If concert tickets reflected your love, I'd be paying in hugs and snacks! 🎟️❤️🍿🎶"

artist, concert, concert tickets, discount, entertainment, humor, music, should, special, super, tickets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

0

3 weeks ago

advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too
I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

0

2 months ago

activity, bend, exercise, flexibility, floor, humor, i, keys, over, sure, yoga
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

0

2 months ago

acronym, after, asking, communication, favorite, humor, know, means, military, misunderstanding, right, someone, tradition
It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

0

2 months ago

getting, guitar, harmonica, heat, hot, hot weather, instrument, music, outdoor, outside, slide, slide guitar, summer, weather
Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

0

2 months ago

American, American experience, being, dentist, experience, family, good, humor, irony, mom, most, prison, sarcasm, universal
Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

0

2 months ago

challenge, chaos, humor, parenting, pudding, raising, teenager, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

51 shares on Threads this month:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Going viral on Telegram:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Freshly posted on X:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Live now on TikTok:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Just shared via X:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨