Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

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Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

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I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.