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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Going viral on Telegram:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Breaking via Reddit:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Just landed via Instagram:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Going bananas on Twitch:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Trending via Facebook:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Trending via Facebook:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

2 weeks ago

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Witty message asking the algorithm to favor attractive and successful users.

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Commentary:
Looks like I made the cut! 😎🎉 #FeelingFancy

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Instagram this month:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

53 shares on Threads this month:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

33 shares on X this month:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

37 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Just landed via Twitch:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Making waves on WeChat:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Spotted on Threads:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Shared recently on Threads:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Breaking via Twitch:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Spotted on Instagram:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Going viral on Twitch:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

They’re making me get out of bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

They’re making me get out of bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨