Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Going viral on Reddit:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Going viral on Instagram:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I prefer my mornings caffeinated, not incarcerated! ☕️😆🔨

aggression, coffee, drinking, frowned, frustration, head, hitting, humor, over, people, sarcasm, shovel, upon, violence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

every, food, humor, i, indulgence, lifetime, pasta, penne, savings, spend, supply, think, worth
You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

0

2 months ago

believe, communication, distraction, doing, doing well, email, found, going, i, me, surprise, well
Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

0

2 months ago

activity, comedy, experience, fear, fun, fun activity, horror, horror movie, joy, me, movie, personal, personal experience, skinny-dip, swimming
Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

0

2 months ago

4th, 4th of July, American, American culture, Americans, celebration, cultural, cultural difference, culture, date, date format, difference, format, holiday, humor, july, national, national holiday, pronunciation, say
It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

0

2 months ago

away, cops, escape, humor, introvert, okay, police, run, run away, shy
How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

0

2 months ago

affection, feelings, grudge, hold, holding, humor, irony, me, relationship, tight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Slack this month:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

71 shares on Threads this month:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

15 shares on Slack this month:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Breaking via TikTok:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Just shared via Telegram:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Shared recently on Reddit:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Breaking via Twitch:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Live now on Threads:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨