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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

Just told my cat Iโ€™d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

Iโ€™d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has viewed:

Iโ€™m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

God doesnโ€™t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

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Maturing is realizing youโ€™re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

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Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

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I prefer my mornings caffeinated, not incarcerated! โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ”จ



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someoneโ€™s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has shared:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats havenโ€™t pushed everything off it yet. You canโ€™t.

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You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Theyโ€™re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santaโ€™s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

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