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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Going bananas on Twitch:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Just shared via Telegram:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Making waves on X:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Breaking via Messenger:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Just landed via Instagram:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you like someone, flirting suddenly turns into a game of charades, and you're losing 🎭🙈

actually, attraction, communication, crush, dating, easy, flirting, humor, love, nervousness, relationship, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, determination, drive, driveway, family, flipping, humor, i, life, patience, perseverance, pull, radio, radio station, relationship, station, stations, still, through, wife, wish
At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

0

2 months ago

coping, emotional, emotional pain, heal, healing, health, humor, loss, me, memory, memory loss, mental, mental health, only, pain, point, sarcasm, thing
There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

0

5 months ago

coffee, drink, food, growling, humor, hunger, i, iced, iced coffee, joke, just, reason, should, stomach
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

0

2 months ago

day, every, every day, humor, i, impossible, lifestyle, nothing, people, procrastination
Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

0

2 months ago

48, 48 hours, care, challenge, deodorant, hours, humor, hygiene, just, mean, personal, personal care
Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

0

2 months ago

bug, bugs, developer, finding, humor, irony, joke, love, nature, only, programming, spider, technology, web, web developer

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

53 shares on Threads this month:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m running out of people I like.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Seen just now on Threads:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Spotted on Threads:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Just shared via Slack:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Making waves on Messenger:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Going bananas on X:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨