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369 Funny day quotes

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Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.
There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.
Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.
What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

More funny day quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Commentary:
"Look at you, turning handshakes into a mysterious guessing game 🤔👖 Let the speculation begin: Was it a secret slime operation or simply a mid-meal snack? The world may never know! 🕵️‍♂️🍔 #SneakyHandshakeMoves"
5 months ago
Share →: If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'll get back to you whenever I feel like it' strategy. 🙃 Remember to keep your phone on high alert for that eventual return call – it's like a surprise from the universe! 📞⏳"
5 months ago
Share →: If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you're busy perfecting the art of squatting! 🏋️‍♂️ No need to schedule 'leg day' when every day is leg day for squatters! 💪😂"
5 months ago
Share →: The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Commentary:
"Batman's like: 'Daytime crime? That's Bruce Wayne's problem!' 🦇😂 It seems he's more of a night owl when it comes to fighting baddies. Maybe he needs some more caffeine to tackle daytime villains!"
5 months ago
Share →: Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Commentary:
Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0
5 months ago
Share →: Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious language of teenagers – a combination of eye rolls, grunts, and unsolicited opinions in a dialect only understood by fellow parents. 🤦‍♂️ Can't wait for that magical moment when coherent sentences make a comeback! 🙏😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Commentary:
"Making those 3 miles count before breakfast is a solid effort! 🚗🏃‍♂️ Who needs more driving when you've already covered so much ground in the morning? Time to park that car and put your feet up! 🛋️😆"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I have an appointment' excuse strikes again! 💁‍♂️ Who knew appointments were the ultimate productivity repellant? 🤣 Time to sit back, relax, and wait for that elusive appointment to magically make us busy all day! 🕰️✨"
5 months ago
Share →: I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Commentary:
"Who needs productivity when you can have a flawless excuse for sleeping in? 😂 Keep dodging responsibilities like a pro, because who wants to be useful, right? 🛌💤 #SleepIsLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Commentary:
"Today's forecast: 99% chance of solitude, with a high chance of zero interruptions 🙅‍♂️☀️ Embrace the serenity, folks!"